By Eliza Henry-Jones
The term self-care has tripped into being a buzzword – associated, too often, with things like steamy baths, chocolate and zoning out in front of Netflix. The conversation needs to become more complex, particularly when we’re talking about the self-care needs of new parents.
Dr Louise Du Chesne is a Melbourne based clinical psychologist with a wealth of experience working with new parents.
“Self-care is so important because being a new parent is such a vulnerable time – being a new parent means we haven’t done it before or we haven’t done it with this little being before,” Dr Du Chesne said.
Mothers, in particular, are under enormous pressure and are often vulnerable to feelings of being overwhelmed as well as anxiety and depression. The pressure facing new parents can also exacerbate complex issues such as Post-Natal Depression and Post-Natal Anxiety.
“There’s the fantasy of the precious bubble of time after birth,” Dr. Du Chesne said.
“Falling in love, or not falling in love the way that you thought you would. Maybe feeling anxious and terrified of the responsibility.”
So how can new parents begin to take better care of themselves when they’re often overwhelmed, time poor and exhausted?\
“Self kindness,” advises Dr Du Chesne.
“Self kindness can mean different things. It means asking for help, it means speaking kindly to ourselves, it also means learning how to say no. No to advice, no to suggestions. It also means learning to say yes to laughing at ourselves, yes to hanging out with other parents, yes to being in the baby zone and having pyjama days.”
Dr Du Chesne also highlights the importance of letting go of perfectionism, of letting ourselves sit with small things like washing left unfolded and dishes stacked up on the sink.
“It’s a new relationship with a new baby. We need to give ourselves time to learn the skills. Emotionally, physically and psychologically the parents and baby have been through enormous transition. Even if you haven’t given birth.”
In the age of social media, perfectionism has become hard to escape. As a parent, it’s too easy to stumble onto Facebook or Instagram and encounter beautiful, curated images of other parents who seem to be doing it so much better than we are. It’s important for new parents to adopt the idea of the “good enough parent“ and how that perfect parent – the imagined parent whose standards we feel like we’re constantly falling short of – does not actually exist.
Dr Du Chesne talks about the need for young parents – particularly mothers – to adopt a fiery sort of self-compassion.
“Compassion needs to be fierce and we needs to be our own best ally and supporter,” she said.
“The compassion of being like a warrior where we’re prepared to fight for ourselves and our babies.”
